I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
