the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
