Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You ate ashes out of my bong
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
