nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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