I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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