Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
NoShamevember. You game?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
