any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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