She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
