k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
