Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
