She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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