shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
