We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize