The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
