that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
