It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
