Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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