The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
