That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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