i love accidental penises.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
