Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize