He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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