i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
