is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
