Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
