a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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