There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
