cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
