I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
one two three fourrrrnication!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
