im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
