I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
