it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
