you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
