took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
