She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
