Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
