I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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