Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
