I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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