Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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