this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
