I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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