we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
