Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
