when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
