Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
