High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize