Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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