So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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