The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
