You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Come see our sink grown plant.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
