new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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