I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
