at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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