Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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