Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
