so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
