We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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