They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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