A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
