i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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