There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
