new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
