Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
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