K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
