How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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