Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
