he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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