Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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