He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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