Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
