He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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