I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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