I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
