goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
