The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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