I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
