Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
